somehow

suddenly

it dawns.

 i do not figure in your

 life anymore.

somehow, roses stink

satin pricks

somehow,

somehow,

i'm thrown by the wayside

wallowing

in a shallow pool of tears.

when the moon shines on her face

when the moon shines on her face
i breathe even softer
afraid..
lest my selfish breathe
 pushes the moon beam away.

ashen morning

this ashen morning
i sit alone
snuffling tears
trying
to wipe away
memories with a smile.

on the crossroads of time

White heat.

Souls scarred by dusty winds.

The azure bowl lends no respite,

Tired leaves forget to flicker.

 Hope is a forgotten foe.

Memory, the stain of dried tears

Imagination, dots of paint at the tip of a quill.

Meanings elude

Silence stifles

like an age old curse

life skulks 

as I stand
On the crossroads of Time. 

faagun*

this watery-yellow afternoon
sand--laden winds
left behind
their imprints
on a parched city.




*faagun  ('falgun') the eleventh month of the Assamese calender. characterised by strong winds and dust 'faagun' is dedicated to Lord Shiva, the Hindu god. 

not far behind

languid thought
lurks in the caverns of her mind.

teasing, teasing
a weary soul.
silence cuts swathes into memories,
ruminations fly off in  flakes
leaving behind,
a lonely thought...(that)

 languid, silent
lurks in the corners of her mind
reminding
death is not far behind

dreams

The day sinks.
And i weave for you

a tapestry of dreams,
out of silken moonbeams.
          and send it
                      flying...
across spaces

across darkness
to distant lands
where charming hopes fragrance the night
For You.

ennui

ennui
settles
like cobwebs
on a restless mind,

where skies blush no longer--
on mornings, nor on evenings.

untold fears explode
unheard cries cascade, and torment
unseen emotions
lurk like venom, beneath the sheen

silence swathes the world
creating,
little islands.

Silence

Silence hangs in the air
as an emaciated wintry sun
plunges into the River,
Splashing orange on red-blue.
Silence screeches...

Tomorrow

When the mellow sun diffuses in the horizon,
Leaving behind a lonely feel,
Golden sands reflect
the last speckles of fading light,
Reminding us,
Tomorrow we meet again.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow,
When filth sheaths you in,
When mist blinds you,
remember,
Hope will pierce through,
and let light flow
and thus,
 begin a new story.

She Stood Alone

She stood alone

On a silky evening
at the edge of a cliff
Watching the orange sun melt
in the nape of a hill
beside a ribbon of blue.
She could smell tangerine.


Cacophonous notes
broke into fragments
where she stood.

Nestled amidst nowhere

she sat,

counting moments drifting away.

Solitude was her best friend.

Evening melted away

as dusk forayed in.

She looked up,

A lone star shone in the deep blue sea

A tear crystallized.

Blank

a tornado rages,
voices whisper surreptitiously--
walk off, walk off,
She deserves you not,
She desires you not.

A smirk blots out all reason.
Indeed, says he, i'm a wastrel
i've hurt who have loved,
loved who has betrayed.

And today----
Let me end all agony
Let me, oh let me pine for her no longer
She desires me not,
She desires me not.

the Tornado rages on
Voices grow Louder--
"Walk off". "Walk off".
"Go away".
 " Leave me alone".

Early next morning,
A lifeless form sprawled at her door.
The ambulance arrives, goes away.
And she lives happily ever after.

Paltan Bazar

(dedicated to that very eclectic and chaotic part of my city..which we call Paltan Bazar.
i had been passing through this part for five years at a stretch and inspite of the noise and the stench..to my  surprise this morning i realised how much i had fallen in love with it...after all this spot..alongwith all the other spots in my hour long journey from home to college had attained so special a significance for me and my ruminations)

broken windows
plywood sheets on merry three wheelers
flies and beggars,
lies
lovers meeting, families departing ;
a harrowed and sweaty tourist lost in the chaos,
a confused new comer gazing at signboards ;

business laces the air, and  pavements.
sweetmeats in doubles-- split shops between split families;

honks and shouts, swears and smiles jostle for space,

a man blissfully sleeps in the shadow of the temple
where devotees throng... but the song of the gong

is drowned in the song of the nearby shops;
songs.... of little girls being defamed.

some yards, and a creek ahead--

a fair skinned sadhu narrates stories of distant lands--while

smeared in the white of the math,

his desi companions sing 'praise be the lord!'

Outside flows a clogged stream of filth

on whose banks sits a daily haat--

presenting life in all its shades--bright ,dark and wane

As an old lady

solitary, half-hidden amidst weeds, in an unkempt garden

perched atop a stone pedestal--

watches on--stone faced

the passage of  time,
 the antics of life flitting its fickle wings...

in the City of Sleep

as i stand on the shores of a new road
i grapple...i sweat..i cry
anguish stifles--
dreams sigh, and pass by
memories linger to welcome...another day gone stale
dreams sigh,
and pass by
and i wait for the shadow to crawl
on and on and on.
The shadow stinks
i recite songs from my memory
Songs--fragments of desires, of love, of lust gone stale.
Songs???
what songs do i croon?
wha..oh..what tune was it?

Songs............

i grapple with anguish. the shadow grows big
senses go numb,
and i hear voices in the wind.
Voices of long lost friends,
Voices of days that will no longer end.
I stand on the shores of a new road...a silky road,
The dark sun glowers brighter still.
forgotten voices wave their arms in the wind--beckoning, calling
come, Sarah come...life ends not with your body.
I step across the twilight zone,
the moon sends sparkles across my feet.
And I turn, one last time
bright life is still running its course
once-kins running away from shadows
grappling with their anguishes-- sweating, crying.


i smile.
i croon.
i join my friends , waving arms in the wind.
joining voices in the Eternal Song...

Shadows scare me no more.
 i myself am, a shadow in the wind
a shadow on the wall.
a shadow
a shadow,
in the City of Sleep.

a new turn...

the sky sings..
dreams whisper...
clouds ring whistles of love.
yellow books remind
honey...time for you to rewind...

candied memories melted,
wisdom sugared
words flavoured
patience counts moments on your fingertips...

life takes on a new turn.

 
[Reflections out of my new experiences as a teacher]